Some random thoughts:

I think my grandfather would be proud of what I’m doing. I think he would smile, give me a big bear hug and tassel my hair and say thanks. Obviously I can’t ask him what he thinks now. Well maybe its not so obvious to everyone. My Papa has Alzheimer’s. The last time I saw him was the year after I graduated college- 2011. He would hate to know that he has Alzheimer’s, and that he’s living in a “special home” with an entire crew devoted to making sure he stays “healthy”. He hates attention. One of my favorite stories my mom and uncle tell of him is when he first met my grandma, his wife. He told her his birthday was February 29, not knowing that that year was a leap year. My grandma threw a huge party for him that year. I’m sure he hated it.

I remember the day I realized he had Alzheimer’s. It was senior year, I don’t remember the season or the semester but after begging my grandma to pass the phone to papa, we spoke. He sounded different, far away, or uncertain, I can’t really describe it. He asked me what I was studying, which I thought was understandable, we hadn’t spoken in a while, so I told him history. He may have gone on a rant about the importance of history, he may not have, I don’t remember. Then he asked me to send him a picture of my latest boyfriend. This confused me. Not only did I not have a boyfriend, but I had never spoken about my dating life to my grandparents. I probably chuckled, nit knowing how to respond. And then he asked me what I was studying. I didn’t know what to do and suddenly tears started running from my eyes and my throat clogged. Before I could clear my throat and speak, he simply hung up the phone. I remember standing in my T apartment, eyes still wet and simply not thinking. Later, I joked about it with my roommates- we even wrote the random request on the wall “send me a picture of your latest boyfriend”, trying to figure out what I should send him a picture of. I never sent him a picture. But I think he would be proud of me, even with out a boyfriend.